sobota, 12. december 2009

The art of loving - Fromm

We are social creatures, made anxious by our separatness. The culture offers false and easy means for addressing our anxiety - through sameness. It invites us to consume the same goods, work at the same jobs, adopt the same goals - defining ourselves through conformity and insignificant nuances of difference. But if we lack the courage to be individuals, we will never achieve love, since ''love is union under the condition of preserving one's integrity.'' Love is not taking, out of insecurity; IT STARTS IN GIVING - of joy, interest, understanding, humor, sadness, ''of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in us.''
Tina Turner - I'm Ready
www.youtube.com
Tina Turner - I'm Ready
Love is not a sentiment which can be easily indulged in by anyone, regardless of the level of maturity reached by him. All our attempts for love are bound to fail, unless we try most actively to develop our total personality, so as to achieve a productive orientation; that satisfaction in individual love cannot be attained without the capacity to love one's neighbour, without true humility, courage, faith and discipline. In a culture in which these qualities are rare, the attainment of the capacity to love must remain a rare achievement. Or - anyone can ask himself how many truly loving persons he has known.

Is love an art? Then it requires knowledge and effort. Or is love a pleasant sensation, which to experience is a matter of chance, something one ''falls into'' if one's lucky? This book is based on the former premise, while undoubtedly the majority of people believe in the latter.
Not that people think love is not important. They are starved for it; they watch endless numbers of films about happy and unhappy love stories, they listen to hundreds of trashy songs about love - yet hardly anyone thinks that there is anything that needs to be learned about love.

Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of BEING LOVED, rather than of LOVING, of one's capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable.
A second premise behind the attitude that there is nothing to be learned about love is the assumption that the problem of love is the problem of the OBJECT, rather than of FACULTY; people think that to love is simple, but to find the right object to love - or to be loved by - is difficult.
Nickelback - Gotta Be Somebody

But, aside from learning the theory and practice, there is a third factor necessary to becoming a master in any art - the mastery of art must be a matter of ultimate concern; there must be nothing else in the world more important than the art. This holds true for music, medicine, carpentry,..and for love. And, maybe, here lies the answer to the question why people in our culture try so rarely to learn this art, in spite of their obvious failures: in spite of the deep-seated craving for love, almost everything else is considered to be more important than love: success, prestige, money, power - almost all our energy is used for the learning of how to achieve these aims, and almost none to learn the art of loving.
Dan D - Voda
There are common assumptions about which motives drive us to seek high status; among them, a longing for money, fame and influence.
Alternatively, it might be more accurate to sum up what we are searching for with a word seldom used in political theory: LOVE. Once food and shelter have been secured, the predominant impulse behind our desire to suceed in the social hiearchy may lie in not so much with the goods we can accrue or the power we can wield, as with the amount of LOVE we stand to receive as a consequence of high status. Money, fame and influence may be valued more as tolkens of - and as a means to - LOVE rather than as ends in themselves.
Alain de Botton - Status anxiety
Sinead O'Connor - Success has made a failure of our home
www.youtube.com
The PASSIVE form of the symbiotic union is that of SUBMISSION, or if we use a clinical term, of MASOCHISM. The masochistic person escapes from the unbearable feeling of isolation and separateness by making himself part and parcel of another person who directs him, guides him, protects him; who is his life and hiy oxygen, as it were. The masochistic person does not have to make decisions, does not have to take any risks; he is never alone - but he is not independent; he has no integrity, he is not yet fully born. He makes himself the instrument of somebody or something outside himself; he need not solve the problem of living by productive activity.
The Cardigans - Lovefool [Todd Terry Club Remix]
www.youtube.com
HD video for the club remix of Todd Terry
Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought just stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!

So I cry, and I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not reach a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

(anything but you)

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
Love me love me
I know that you need me
I can't care about anything but you..

The ACTIVE form of symbiotic fusion is DOMINATION or, to use the psychological term corresponding to masochism, SADISM. The sadistic person wants to escape from his aloneness and his sense of imprisonment by making another person part and parcel of himself. He inflates and enhances himself by incorporating another person, who worships him. The sadistic person is AS DEPENDENT on the submissive person as the latter is on the former; neither can live without the other. The difference is only that the sadistic person commands, exploits, hurts, humiliates, and that the masochistic person is commanded, exploited, hurt, humiliated. This is a considerable difference in a realistic sense; in a deeper emotional sense, the difference is not so great as that which they both have in common: FUSION WITHOUT INTEGRITY. If one understands this, it is also not surprising to find that usually a person reacts in BOTH manners, usually toward different objects. Hitler reacted primarily in a sadistic fashion towards humans, but masochistically toward fate, history, the ''high power'' of nature. His end - suicide among general destruction - is as characteristic as was his dream of success - total domination.
Sean Paul ft Blu Cantrell Breathe in [HD]
www.youtube.com


In contrast to symbiotic union, MATURE LOVE is union under the condition of preserving one's integrity, one's individuality. Love is an active power in man; a power which breaks through the walls which separate man from his fellow men, which unites him with others; love makes him overcome the sense of isolation and separateness, yet it permits him to be himself, to retain his integrity. In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.'
MATURE love says 'I NEED YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.' Fromm

Shania Twain - You're Still The One Original (HD)
www.youtube.com
Shania Twain - You're Still The One Original (HD)
It is hardly necessary to stress the fact that the ability to love as an act of giving depends on the character development of the person. It presupposes the attainment of a predominantly productive orientation; in this orientation the person has OVERCOME dependency, narcissistic omnipotence, the wish to exploit others, or to hoard, and has acquired faith in his own human powers, courage to rely on his powers in the attainment of his goals. To the degree that these qualities are lacking, he is afraid of giving himself - hence of loving.
Beyonce Knowles Broken Hearted Girl [HD]
Responsibility could easily deteriorate into domination and possessiveness, were it not for a third component of love, RESPECT. Respect is not fear and awe; it denotes, in accordance with the root of the word(respiccere - to look at), the ability to see a person as he is, to be aware of his unique individuality.respect means the concern that the other person should growand unfold as he is. Respect, thus, implies the absence of exploitation. I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose for serving me.

There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started out with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet which fails so regularly, as love.
lonely sinking feeling cowboy junkies
















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četrtek, 10. december 2009

Vezje sreče:)))

Ja, mehanizmi sreče so me začel zanimat nekje na začetku srednje šole. Kako je človek lahko srečen, od česa vse je to odvisno, obstaja Bog, ki vidi vsa naša dejanja in nas kaznuje ali nagradi, so dobra dela, trud, garanje, matranje, odrekanje poplačano. Je kot pri Hessejevi sliki nad posteljo, kjer trnova, težka in mučna pot vodi v nebesa, lepa, s soncem obsijana, lahka in srečna pa v pekel? Ko berem Prentissovo knjigo Zen in umetnost doživljanja sreče se mi marsikaj razjasni. Vse je tako enostavno, da res izgleda že prav smešno in neumno. Ampak...

Torej, naše osebna, življenska filozofija, katere se večinoma niti ne zavedamo, kaj šele, da bi jo zares poznali, še manj obvladali, določa naš odziv na dogodke. Kort pravi Shakespeare, ti niso ne dobri ne slabi, pač so, važno je, kako jih mi vidimo. Za nekoga je poraz ekipe A proti B dober, za nekoga drugega pa slab dogodek. Torej, sam dogodek je nevtralen, brezbarven, obarvamo ga sami. In ker je tako, se lahko odločimo, da bomo odslej VSE dogodke, torej tudi vse tiste, ki se NAM ZDIJO za nas slabi, nevarni, ogrožujoči, obarvali kot pozitivne, za nas NAJBOLJŠE DOGODKE, KI SE NAM SPLOH LAHKO ZGODIJO. Ker so misli energija, vesolje pa živ organizem, ki spremlja naša dejanja, posluša naše misli in besede, sprejme našo energijo(energijo določene frekvence).

Ker obstajajo Univerzalni zakoni vesolja, katerih se nikoli! in pod nobenimi pogoji ne da prekršit, en od njih pa je zakon privlačnosti, nam vesolje vrne še več točno enake energije, s točno isto frekvenco, kot jo oddajamo sami. Če je to negativna, nam vrne negativno in obratno. Torej življenska filozofija, naša naravnanost določa naš odziv. Smo kot elektronsko vezje, ki določena (nevtralna)vzbujanja(dogodki) na vhodu spremeni v določene misli in dejanja na izhodu. Kaj dobimo na izhodu je odvisno od naše življ. filozofije oz naravnanosti, ki so karakteristike vezja. Ker obstaja v vesolju tudi zakon vzroka in posledice, deluje ves ta električni sklop kot neka povratna zanka. Odziv (izhodne misli in dejanja) so poslane v vesolje, ki pa nam vrne dogodke, ki sovpadajo z naravo naših misli in dejanj. Ti so ponovno vzbujanje našega vezja, vse skupaj se ponovi, in ker je vse skupaj nebrzdano, kot so nebrzdani podivjani konji, se običajno vse skupaj še potencira, ojača. Vse skupaj postaja velika negativna kepa.

Rešitev:

Vsak dogodek(vhodni signal, impulz) tretirajmo kot sploh najboljši možni dogodek, ki se nam je lahko zgodil. Tako že začenjamo oddajat drugačne misli (misli druge, ''srečnejše'' frekvence), tudi naša sama dejanja kot odziv se s tem spremenijo. Sprva bo šlo za ''nenaraven'', vezju tuj odziv, ki še ni v skladu z njegovo pravo naravo. A spreminjali bomo izhodne signale (misli, besede, dejanja), spremenili njihovo frekvenco, kot take pa jih bo sprejelo vesolje in nam ''poslalo'' spremenjene dogodke, dogodke torej, ki sovpadajo novi energiji, signalom drugačne frekvence. Ker pa naše vezje(vsi te posamezni elementi, ki ga sestavljajo) predstavlja našo podzavest, naše nezavedno, se bo tudi to počasi, a zagotovo in vztrajno začelo spreminjati. Samo bo začelo postajati vezje, kakršnega si želimo, z željenimi odzivi(torej mislimi, besedami, dejanji).

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petek, 4. december 2009

quotes - december

Buddha:

“He who walks in the company of fools suffers a long way. Company with fools...is always painful; company with the wise is pleasure.''

''There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.”



''Of our conflicts with others we make rhetoric; of our conflicts with ourselves we make poetry.'' William Butler Yeats


''Civilization is a slow process of adopting the ideas of minorities.''Herbert Prochnow

''If you can see the path laid out in front of you, step by step - IT'S NOT YOUR PATH!'' Joseph Campbell


''The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life, seems to arise from OVER-RATING THE DIFFERENCE between one permanent situation and another.'' Adam Smith

''Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own thoughts, unguarded. But, once mastered, no one can help you as much.'' The Dhammapada


''Even if it is painful and lonely, associate with worthy companions.'' Dogen


Those with limited views are fearful and irresolute: the faster they hurry, the slower they go. Seng - Ts'an


''If you have built castles in the sky, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.'' Henry David Thoreau

'Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life.'' Herbert Otto


Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T. S. Eliot

''An artist is not a special kind of person. Every person is a special kind of artist.'' Meister Eckart

The fact is that most people, groups, and organizations do not want you to be an original, independent, creative individual. They prefer you to be passive, easily manipulated, anxious to conform to existing practices, and not too successful. John Chaffee

If not me, then who?
If not now, then when?
If not here, then where will peace begin?

I am where peace begins.
Oh, it’s me, that’s who
And it’s now, that’s when

And it’s here, that’s where peace begins
I am where peace begins.

Carol Johnson

Carl Jung


Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.

There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
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Dan Gilbert asks, Why are we happy?

Which of the two different futures do you THINK you might prefer: WINNING THE LOTERY(314 mio $) or BECOMING PARAPLEGIC????


Dan Gilbert asks, Why are we happy? | Video on TED.com
www.ted.com
TED Talks Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, challenges the idea that we’ll be miserable if we don’t get what we want. Our "psychological immune system" lets us feel truly happy even when things don’t go as planned.


The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life, seems to arise from over-rating the difference between one permanent situation and another. Avarice over-rates the difference between poverty and riches: ambition, that between a private and a public station: vain-glory, that between obscurity and extensive reputation. The person under the influence of any of those extravagant passions, is not only miserable in his actual situation, but is often disposed to disturb the peace of society, in order to arrive at that which he so foolishly admires. The slightest observation, however, might satisfy him, that, in all the ordinary situations of human life, a well-disposed mind may be equally calm, equally cheerful, and equally contented. Some of those situations may, no doubt, deserve to be preferred to others: but none of them can deserve to be pursued with that passionate ardour which drives us to violate the rules either of prudence or of justice; or to corrupt the future tranquillity of our minds, either by shame from the remembrance of our own folly, or by remorse from the horror of our own injustice.
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Zen and the art of happiness, Chris Prentiss

''How do you change what you believe when your experience has convinced you othervise? By creating a new experience. The best way for you to get that new experience is to change your response to what happens. By the natural law of cause and effect, that new response will create new results, which you will then experience as a new reality. To reach the goal of happiness, act as though the following statement is already true: EVERYTHING that happens to me is the best thing that can happen to me.''


“Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God (Nature, Universe) speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message.” Malcolm Muggeridge

Not only is the Universe aware of us, but it also communicates with us. We, in turn, are constantly in communication with the Universe through our words, thoughts, and actions. The Universe RESPONDS with events. Events are the language of the Universe. The most obvious of those events are what we call coincidence.

''Obey the nature of things and you will walk freely and undisturbed'' Seng-Ts'an

Don't be concerned if you haven't been aware of these natural laws before. Once you begin to incorporate a philosophy into your life that is in accordance with Universal law, your life will bring you such joy, that you'll laugh in amazement. It will be as if you've spent your life driving a car in reverse and you've sudenly discovered that there are gears to make it go forward - and fast!

“When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky”. Buddha


Enigma - The Cross of Changes
www.youtube.com
The Cross of Changes from 1993 album by the musical project Enigma(by Michael Cretu). It is Enigma's second album, following MCMXC a.D (note from Wikipedia)

''Even if it is painful and lonely, associate with worthy companions.'' Dogen


The Cranberries - Put Me Down
www.youtube.com
Let me take you By the hand Away from here To another land Oh this land in which we live Where people love and are meant to forgive And you always prove me wrong 'Cos you're always putting me down I can't ...


If you are surrounded by people who not only don't believe in your goals and your positive outlook on life but who also continually try to tear you down, it will be extremely challenging for you to hold firmly in mind that you will succeed and that you can be happy.
Who you allow into the circle of your life will make the difference in the quality of your life. As the Buddha taught, ''He who walks in the company of fools suffers a long way. Company with fools...is always painful; company with the wise is pleasure.''


This is related to the Universal law of the conservation of energy: ''Nothing can be lost or destroyed, only changed.'' That includes us. Being part of the Universe, we will continue to exist. Perhaps in a different form, perhaps in a different state, but exist we shall.



Everything
being rock, being gas, being mist, being mind,
being the mesons travelling among the galaxies
at the speed of light,
you have come here, my beloved,
and your blue eyes shine, so beautiful, so deep
you have taken the path traced for you
from the non -beginning and the never- ending.
you say that on your way here
you have gone through
many millons of births and deaths.
innumerable times you have been transformed
into firestorms in outer space.
you have used your own body
to measure the age of the mountains and the rivers.
you have manifested yourself
as trees, grass, butterflies, single celled beings,
and as chrysanthemums.
but the eyes with which you look at me this morning
tell me that you have never died.
your smile invites me into the game
whose beginning no one knows,
the game of hide- and- seek..

A personal philosophy that's based on what's true in the Universe will sustain you through every occurence that life brings you. It will save you from costly errors of judgement, countless hours of misery and needless suffering. It will help you see that events that you may have lamented for weeks, months, or even years are the best events that could have happened to you.

In Zen, the main aim is to liberate ourselves from such detachment and as we practice our zazen (Zen meditation), we may find ourselves naturally giving others the space to be exactly the way they are and this leads to powerful relationships. Many of us seek the recognition we felt due to us in childhood from society and even though this can lead to some of us being very successful in our careers, whilst we are attached to that need, we never experience real happiness. Real happiness comes from detachment from all needs.
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