Ljubezen in duhovna rast (A road less travelled) - Scott Peck

http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/3061.M_Scott_Peck

Življenje je težko. To je velike resnica in ena največjih. To je velika resnica, kajti ko to resnico zares dojamemo, jo tudi presežemo. Ko zares spoznamo, da je življenje težko, ko to zares razumemo, začutimo in sprejmemo, potem življenje ni več težko. Kajti, ko dodobra sprejmemo dejstvo, da je življenje težko, to dejstvo ni več pomembno.

"Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to "die before you die" — and find that there is no death" .

The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment. On the emotional level, it is some form of negativity. The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment, and this in turn depends on how strongly you are identified with your mind. Tolle, Power of now

We take life for granted, sleepwalking until a shattering event knocks us awake. Zen says, don't wait until the car accident, the cancer diagnosis, or the death of a loved one to get your priorities straight. Do it now. Philip Toshio Sudo

''Life is suffering. ''

“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.”

Buddha

Ovinki so v življenju edina bližnjica. Jung

Torej: kozarec je prazen, življenje je trpljenje. Ko to dojameš, začutiš, si hvaležen za vsako kapljo, za vsak srečen trenutek. Osredotočiš se, postaneš pozoren na lepe stvari. Začneš cenit, spoznaš in živiš hvaležnost. Hvaležnost za vse lepo: za prijatelje, za dom, glazbo, zdravje, sneg, vsak dih in misel, ceniš tisto kar že imaš, ne hlepiš po ostalih, drugih. Živiš skromno, zadovoljen s tem, kar imaš. Ja, rad bi še več, si pa zadovoljen s tem, kar imaš. Tukaj in zdaj. Nič več ni samoumevno, vse ti je dar. Kot je dar življenje samo. Referenca postane čisto druga raven, ničla, dno. Samoumevno je le trpljenje, žalost, bolečina. Zato zbledi.

Čas in kakovost časa, ki jim ga starši posvetijo, kaže otrokom, koliko jih starši v resnici cenijo. Nekateri starši, ki v osnovi ne ljubijo svojih otrok, jim pogosto iZJAVLJAJO svojo ljubezen, jim nenehno in mehanično ponavljajo, kako jih cenijo, samo da bi prikrili pomanjkanje resnične skrbi zanje, namesto, da bi jim posvetili dovolj visoko kakovostnega časa (sem spadajo tudi darila oz. kupovanje materialnih dobrin kot nadomestek manjkajoče ljubezni in pozornosti). Svojih otrok pa s takimi praznimi besedami (ali dobrinami kot substitut) ne morejo prevarati. zavestno se bodo morda oprijeli teh besed, ker bi radi verjeli, da so ljubljeni, podzavestno pa vedo, da se besede njihovih stašev ne skladajo z dejanji.

Tako otroci zrastejo v laži, na pravo resnico pa jih v fazi adolescence začne opozarjati telo. Bolečina je tako močna, da pred njo na različne načine zbežijo (pijača, delo, odnosi, sex, šport, denar, itd.) Nerešeni problemi se kopičijo, človek sam pa tone po krivulji spirale.

Nasprotno pa je - razen navadne neobčutljivosti in zanemarjanja - še mnogo načinov, kako starši lahko zavirajo otrokovo zorenje. Osebnostno moteni ljudje naprimer, so nemogoči starši. Niti najmanj se namreč ne zavedajo, da so do svojih otrok pogosto prav škodljivi. Pravijo, da nevrotiki onesrečijo sebe, os. moteni pa vse okrog sebe. Izmed vseh okrog sebe pa os. moteni onesrečijo najbolj svoje otroke. tako kot na drugih področjih svojega življenja ne prevzemajo niti starševskih odgovornosti. Otrok se otresajo na tisoče drobnih načinov, namesto, da bi jim posvečali potrebno pozornost. ker si zatiskajo oči pred odgovornostjo, so os. moteni starši svojim otrokom vzor neodgovornosti. V izogibanju odgovornosti za svoje življenje(!!!!!) gredo os. moteni starši tako daleč, da pogosto prelagajo odgovorost na svoje otroke:''Vi, otroci, me spravljate ob pamet,'' ali ''edini razlog, da se ne razvežem od vašega očeta (matere), ste vi, otroci.'' ali ''Vaša mati je zaradi vas, otroci, prava živčna razvalina,'' ali ''Lahko bi se vpisala na univerzo in jo uspešno končala, če ne bi morala skrbeti zaradi vas.''

Po drugi strani pa lahko uporabimo psihoterapijo tudi kot neupravičeno bližnjico. To se najpogosteje dogaja v primerih, ko starši želijo terapijo za svoje otroke. Želijo, da se njihovi otroki na nek način spremenijo: nehajo uživati droge, imeti napade besa, dobivati slabe ocene itd. Nekateri starši so izčrpali vse svoje možnosti za pomoč otroku in pridejo h terapevtu s pristno pripravljenostjo reševati problem. Spet drugi pa enako pogosto pridejo z očitnim poznavanjem vzroka za otrokov problem in upajo, da bo psihiater lahko storil nekaj čudežnega in otroka spremenil, ne da bi spremenil osnovni vzrok problema. Takšni starši povejo: ''Veva, da imava težave v zakonskem odnosu in da ima to po vsej verjetnosti nekaj opraviti tudi s sinovim problemom. Vendar pa ne želiva, da se vtikate v najin zakon; želiva le, da delate z najinim sinom, če je le mogoče, in mu pomagate, da bo srečnejši.''

Drugi so manj odkriti. Prišli bodo in na vse kriplje kazali pripravljenost storiti vse, kar je potrebno. Ko pa jim razložijo, da so bolezenski znaki le odsev njihovega odklanjanja vsega njihovega življenskega sloga, ki ne dopušča zdrave vzgoje, bodo rekli: ''Smešno je pričakovati, da bova njemu na ljubo vse spremenila.'' In bodo odšli iskat drugega psihiatra, takega, ki jim bo morda ponudil nenaporno bližnjico. Kdaj kasneje pa bodo svojim prijateljem in sebi dopovedovali: ''Za svojega fanta sva storila vse, kar je bilo v najini moči; peljala sva ga celo k štirim različnim psihiatrom, pa ni nič pomagalo.''

Od tisoč laži, ki si jih ljudje pogosto pripovedujejo, sta dve najpogostejši, močni in razdiralni. To sta: ''resnično imamo radi svoje otroke'' in ''naši starši nas imajo res radi.'' Lahko je res, da nas imajo starši radi in mi ljubimo svoje otroke, vendar pa se v primeru, ko to ne drži, ljudje zatekajo v neverjetne laži.

Ključ, Joe Vitale

Kritika nikoli ni ljubeča, nikoli ni mišljena dobrohotno. Njen namen je oslabiti človeka, ki mu je namenjena, ter v nejm povzročiti negotovost, strah in dvom. Karen Casey, Change your mind and your life will follow

Od človekovih prepričanj (zavednih in nezavednih!!!) je odvisno, kaj bo doživel. Zunanjih vzrokov ni. David Hawkins, reality and subjectivity

Spoznal sem, da je glavni razlog za mojo nesrečo in pomanjkanje moje PRIČAKOVANJE tega. (Navadil sem se, oz. edina vloga, ki jo poznam, ki mi je bila dodeljena v družini, je vloga zgube).

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
— Carl Gustav Jung

Nezavedno prosite za vse svoje izkušnje in drugim omogočate izkušnje, za katere oni NEZAVEDNO prosijo. Mislite, da so vaša zavestna prepričanja tisto, kar verjamete, v resnici pa so NEZAVEDNA in najgloblja prepričanja vaša prava prepričanja. Susan Shunsky, Miracle prayer

Ljudem ne uspeva, čeprav so prepričani, da lahko nekaj dosežejo, podzavest (nezavedno) pa jim govori, da tega v resnici ne zmorejo. Zelo verjetno imate v tem trenutku v podzavesti polno dvomov o svojih sposobnostih; dvome je treba odpraviti, drugače boste ostali brez moči, ko jo boste najbolj potrebovali. Znanost bogatenja, Wallace Wattles

Dobiš, kar (nezavedno) misliš, da si zaslužiš, da ti pripada, da si tega vreden. Nezavedno!

Človeku s pravim miselnim odnosom nič ne more preprečiti, da ne bi dosegel cilja; človeku, ki nima pravega miselnega odnosa, pa ni pomoči. Thomas Jefferson

Zakon privlačnosti deluje, problem je naše nezavedno. Vesolje ne loči med našim (ne)zavednim. Kar mislimo, to dobimo. Na zavedni ali nezavedni ravni.

You create your universe as you go along. W. Churchill

If you think you can do it, or you think you can't do it, you are right. Henry Ford

Če se osredotočite na nov avtomobil, dobite pa moped, ni kriv zakon privlačnosti, pritegnili ste pač tisto, v kar ste verjeli. Niste pričakovali, da boste dobili nov avtomobil, da ste ga vredni ali da si ga lahko privoščite. Vaši OBČUTKI so sprožili zakon privlačnosti.

Uspeh je skupek vseh majhnih vsakodnevnih naporov (potrebna je torej disciplina). Robert Collier

Naj vam družba ne bo zgled funkcionalnega ravnanja in model. Bruce Goldberg, Karmic Capitalism

Življenje je lahko fantastično, resnično neverjetno, vendar pogosto naletimo na mejo svojega ugodja, čez katero ne gre. Zakaj? Ker smo omejeni z (nezavedno) mislijo, da si nečesa ne zaslužimo. Edina omejitev je naše trenutno razumevanje resničnosti, ki pa se lahko spreminja, glede na to, kaj menimo, da je mogoče. Naš cilj bi vedno morala biti sreča, ki jo imenujem duhovno prebujenje, rast.

Kaj bi rad postal, počel ali imel? (Pot do cilja kot priložnost očiščenja vseh ovir.)

"A human being is a part of a whole, called by us 'universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." Einstein

Popolnoma sem zadovoljen, le rad bi še več...torej, hočemo več, ne da bi to potrebovali (non attachment to the goal).

Za kaj vse sem hvaležen?

Ko odkrijete, da vas omejujejo nezavedna prepričanja, lahko vse v življenju izboljšate, od odnosov do finančnega stanja.

Z branjem knjig si boste razširili obzorja, kar vam bo lahko pomagalo pri odstranjevanju omejujočih prepričanj.

Cognitive therapy:

Misli, ki me nadlegujejo, razburjajo oz. so razdiralne(ko jih ident., dvigneš raven zavedanja in jih lahko začneš spreminjati)

a) čustvena misel b) Dokaz za resničnost misli c) Dokaz za neresničnost misli

feel the fear and do it anyway....samozavest se dvigne!!!

d) Ocenite stopnjo resničnosti misli (kolikšna je verjetnost, da se strah uresniči)

e) Če se uresniči, kako bi se odzval?

f) Mislim se ne upirajte ali jih odrivajte, so neškodljive, pustite, da odidejo same.

Človek je skupna vsota vseh svojih izkušenj, kar pomeni, da je zaznamovan s svojo preteklostjo. Če bi podrobneje proučili stres ali strah, bi ugotovili, da je vzrok zanju pravzaprav spomin. Morrnah Simeona

Vzrok za vsa neg. čustva je motnja v energijskem sistemu telesa. Gary Craig

Ne sprašujte se, kaj potrebuje svet, vprašajte se raje, kaj vas požvi, in potem to storite, kajti svet potrebuje ljudi, ki so živi. Howard Thurman

Nekomu popolnoma odpustite, ko spoznate, da se pravzaprav ni zgodilo nič slabega, negativnega ali zlega. Pravzaprav se to ni zgodilo vam, ampak za vas. Zgodilo se je zato, da bi se predramili in rasli. Bilo je del načrta, ki vas je pripeljal sem, kjer ste zdaj. In od tu lahko privlačite čudeže. (Osebi bi se morali v bistvu zahvaliti.)

Suffering (kot posledica soočanja z oziroma odpravljanja problema - če se ne soočiš, ni trpljenja, tudi čustvene rasti ni) is given to you that you might open your eyes to the truth, that you might understand that there's falsehood somewhere, just as physical pain is given to you so you will understand that there is disease or illness somewhere. Suffering points out that there is falsehood somewhere.
Suffering occurs when you clash with reality.
When your illusions clash with reality when your falsehoods clash with the truth, then you have suffering.
Otherwise there is no suffering.

Anthony De Mello

"Whenever anything negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it, although you may not see it at the time."

Tolle

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.” Jung (Trpljenje kot posledica soočanja z oziroma odpravljanja problema - če se ne soočiš, ni trpljenja, tudi čustvene rasti (ozaveščanja) ni.)

EVERYTHING that happens to me is the best thing that could possibly happen to me.'' Zen and the art of...

Mother did it need to be so high - Hih expectations

Question:
	I am a senior in college. I live alone, have a few friends here at school, have more friends at home, have a steady boyfriend. My parents were very strict on me when I lived at home. They expect very much out of me; neither of my parents attended college. I had very good grades through elementary school, high school, and my first year of college when I lived at home and went to a different school. My grades are suffering terribly and my parents are not offering much support or understanding. I have trouble getting up in the mornings and going to class. I have this feeling like my insides are shaking, and I have nausea. I usually miss classes because of this. I have constant battles with myself about caring and not caring about things. I am beginning to wonder if college is too difficult for me. But I have made it to my senior year, so there's no sense in quitting now. I would like to know how I can control this depression and anxiety I go through everyday. Should I start seeing a therapist regularly because I hate dumping my problems to my friends. This problem is beginning to take a great toll on my everyday life, and I desperately need some advice, please.
	Blue college student
Answer:
	Hi Blue college student, I will be answering your letter line-by-line... It's more conversational that way. Blue College Student I am a senior in college. I live alone, have a few friends here at school, have more friends at home, have a steady boyfriend. My parents were very strict on me when I lived at home. They expect very much out of me; neither of my parents attended college. I had very good grades through elementary school, high school, and my first year of college when I lived at home and went to a different school. Tony The "very strict" parents and the fact that you feel pressure to achieve in college even though they didn't even attend college raises some concerns. Makes me wonder if you sort of carry them around with you in your head, even more than most of us do... and if you treat yourself mentally in the same "strict" ways that they treated you. Blue College Student My grades are suffering terribly and my parents are not offering much support or understanding. Tony Does your boyfriend offer much support and understanding? Do your friends? When they do, do you accept it well or do you find that you almost throw it away...? Blue College Student I have trouble getting up in the mornings and going to class. I have this feeling like my insides are shaking, and I have nausea. I usually miss classes because of this. I have constant battles with myself about caring and not caring about things. I am beginning to wonder if college is too difficult for me. But I have made it to my senior year, so there's no sense in quitting now. Tony My best guess is that you are not having a big problem with school, but that you are having a big problem with the end of school and the beginning of "being on your own." The fact that you sometimes don't know what you care about and what you don't care about also indicates to me that you doubt yourself way too much (and maybe are hoping to get your decisions "approved of" by other people more than you'd need to). The "feeling like my insides are shaking" sounds like fear to me... I realize that some of it is related to the fear of doing not doing well at school on tests and such, but I also wonder if some of the fear comes from this internal way of treating yourself "strictly" in some of the ways your parents did.... Remember also that the nausea and even the shaking feeling might be a medical problem rather than a psychological one. Always check out the medical possibilities first. Blue College Student I would like to know how I can control this depression and anxiety I go through everyday. Should I start seeing a therapist regularly because I hate dumping my problems to my friends. This problem is beginning to take a great toll on my everyday life, and I desperately need some advice, please. Tony My best guess is that you have what therapists call "unfulfilled dependency needs." If I am right about this, you need a caring therapist who is regularly available for you. (Notice that I said "regularly" and I didn't say either "constantly" or "for a long time"....) I think you basically just need someone who has a caring role in your life - like a kind and loving and NOT strict parent - and that you know that you can always rely on them when the need arises. After you establish such a relationship with a good therapist and after you have proven to yourself and to the therapist that you are going to allow yourself to rely on them sometimes, you may only need to see them when you want or need to, not all the time. Your comment about "dumping on your friends" is interesting. Do you find that your problems come up with friends a whole lot more than their problems come up? That's usually a good test. Over the course of a friendship these things tend to come out rather even in healthy relationships. This applies even more to you and your boyfriend. If you spend a lot of time and emotion talking with your boyfriend about these concerns and he seldom talks about his own feelings and such, I would want to warn you that even the most loving and caring lover cannot possibly be a good enough "parent" for someone who didn't get enough from their parents when they were small. Hoping to get this from your boyfriend instead of from a therapist would be taking a big chance on eventually losing him or on establishing an unhealthy relationship for the long haul. I hope this letter does help. Remember that if you have questions about what I've said, you can write again. Please realize that although I am doing my best to help based on the relatively little amount of info in this one letter, it is also very possible that I could be wrong in my guesses and opinions - and that we aren't necessarily limited to just this one letter. (I find it a bit pretentious sometimes to have only "one shot" at helping someone in this way.....) Please try to find a good therapist, one who feels like a good match and seems to be both confident and competent at helping you. If the first one doesn't feel just right after a few sessions, go to another one until you find the right person for you. You have already done very well in many ways. I'm sure you'll also do well at finishing your senior year, finding a good therapist, improving your life while you see the therapist, and at most of the other things you care about too! Sincerely, Tony Schirtzinger

Samske tridesetletnic, Samosvoje ali destruktivne?, Ona 26.01.10

Niso pošasti na dveh nogah. Pogosto so urejene, samostojne in inteligentne. Samska dekleta v tridesetih, namreč. Nimajo svojega očarljivega princa, ki je že v otroških pravljicah predstavljen kot ključen za srečno življenje vsake ženske. So krivi prestrašeni in čustveno otopeli mladci, je kaj podobnega narobe s sodobnimi mladenkami ali gre preprosto za korenito spremenjen sistem vrednot v partnerstvu in ljubezni, ki se mu je treba prilagoditi?

VEČ MOŠKIH, MANJ IZBIRE

Odgovor na vprašanje, zakaj je zadnje čase toliko samskih tridesetletnic, zagotovo veliko več kot kdaj koli prej, ni preprost, saj gre za rezultat različnih družbenih dejavnikov in časovnih okoliščin. Vendar tudi samskih moških ni malo. Po besedah dr. Mace Jogan, sociologinje s fakultete za družbene vede v Ljubljani, je glede na podatke Statističnega letopisa v letu 2009 v vseh starostnih kategorijah žensk manj: »Enaintridesetega decembra 2008 je bilo v Sloveniji 16.665 moških in 14.806 žensk, starih 30 let. Ženske začnejo prevladovati nad moškimi šele v kategorijah nad 60 let. Torej, na partnerskem trgu je dovolj 'blaga'. Vprašanje je, zakaj ni nakupa ali vsaj začasnega zakupa pri obravnavani starostni kategoriji.« Številno gledano je veliko več tridesetletnikov, zato naj bi imele ženske več manevrskega prostora pri izbiri partnerja, a si v resnici resnih potez na šahovnici ljubezni ne dovolijo.

POSLUŠNE ŽENE IZGINJAJO

Zakaj se je pojavilo drugačno razumevanje mladih samskih žensk? Dr. Jogan ugotavlja, da je eden izmed vzrokov zagotovo zmanjšanje družbene prisile k odvisnosti ženske od moškega: »Sprejemanje nove družbene vloge Slovenk se je v zadnjih desetletjih že toliko utrdilo, da je tradicionalno prepričanje o vlogi, ki se je skrčila na zakonsko ženo in mater, že manjšinsko.« Število porok še naprej upada, ljudje se sicer poročajo in odločajo za otroke pozneje kot nekoč. Tudi tradicionalno pojmovanje zakonske zveze slabi: »Po raziskavi SJM leta 2003 več kot štiri petine žensk in moških (84 odstotkov in 83,5 odstotka) zavrača stališče, da je bolje imeti slab zakon, kot da sploh nisi poročen.«

RAST UŽIVAŠKE KULTURE

Dr. Jogan poleg drugih tendenc poudarja pomen individualizacije, ki pripomore k spodbujanju potrošniško uživaške kulture tako žensk kot moških. Tudi zato velikokrat sledi izbirna samskost mladih izobraženih tridesetletnic in tridesetletnikov: »Za ženske namreč ni nujno, da bi se odločile za partnerstvo po meri drugega, torej moškega spola, za moške, ki jim je kljub vsemu še bliže tradicionalna vloga gospodarja, pa je čedalje teže dobiti poslušno partnerico.«

KDO JE SOVRAŽNIK ŠT. 1?

Številne ženske se pritožujejo nad nezrelimi moškimi, ki še vedno niso prerezali popkovnice s svojo mamo, zato ta vedno ostaja prva in edina prava ženska njihovega življenja, čeprav so poročeni in živijo tisoč kilometrov stran. Mama je pač ena sama. Gre za psihološki fenomen, ki se pri vsakem posamezniku in njegovi mami kaže drugače, ali kot bolezenska, škodljiva in naporna navezanost ali pa neobremenjen, čustveno zrel odnos, ki temelji na pravi ljubezni in iskrenosti. Kdo je v resnici mamin sinček in kdo ne, ostaja vprašanje za psihoterapevte, težava se pojavi drugje, ko so kot mamini sinčki označeni kar vsi moški, ki niso več mladoletni in trenutno še živijo doma.

Kontroverzna blogerka Simona Rebolj opaža, da je poleg krivičnega obravnavanja samskih žensk trenutno aktualno tudi šikaniranje domnevnih maminih sinčkov v imenu boja za obstoj naroda: »Naša družba je menda neznosno zaskrbljena, da ženske bolj zanima kariera od družinske idile in da moški raje domujejo pri mami, namesto da bi državi na čast zaplodili čim več potomcev, ki bodo lahko garali za mizerno plačilo.« Dr. Jerci Legan Cvikl, antropologinji, se zdi resnična osamosvojitev moških ključen korak za bolj zdrav razvoj družbe: »Tisti, ki se niso osvobodili izpod maminega krila, tudi na odgovorno starševstvo niso pripravljeni, zato bi njihovi potomci širše gledano lahko družbi in samim sebi povzročili več težav kot ne. Odgovornost je temeljno izhodišče za zdrav osebnostni razvoj bolj ali manj neodvisnega posameznika in s tem bi se morali soočiti. Mnogi se tega že zavedajo, zato tudi trend samskih v tridesetih letih dobiva nov družbeni pomen.«

MOTEČA SAMOZADOSTNOST

Rešitev težav glede konflikta med posameznikom in družbenimi pričakovanji vidi dr. Legan Cvikl v vzgoji: »Ni časa za prazno zaskrbljenost, ampak konkretno akcijo s pravilno vzgojo, ki se začne že pri najmlajših. Ženske so si po desetletjih emancipacije končno izbojevale večjo enakopravnost v vseh družbenih sferah in tako postavile (ne)posredno grožnjo moškim, da sorazmerno s strahom pred njihovo svobodomiselnostjo, ambicioznostjo in tekmovalnostjo raje podaljšujejo bivanje v brezplačnem 'hotelu mama'.« Kot pravi naša sogovornica, se moški počutijo pri svoji mami na varnem, zato mislijo, da za svoje družbeno uveljavljanje ne potrebujejo več pogosto povsem navidezne moškosti in neodvisnosti: »Samski ob zaščitniških materah uspevajo v zameno za slabe odnose z mnogokrat odsotnimi ali zdolgočasenimi očeti. Brezčasna potuha in skrb za tridesetletnike, ki so včasih večni študenti, drugič hedonisti, skoraj vedno pa oportunisti, je žal vzgojna izbira številnih Slovenk. Medtem pa vrstnice teh moških natančno vedo, kaj hočejo, in svobodno izbirajo. In zato imajo pri medsebojnih odnosih kar nekaj ovir, motečo samozadostnost, neizpolnjena pričakovanja, destruktivno kritičnost, zaradi katerih pogosto morajo, četudi dolgoročno pravzaprav ne želijo, ostati samske.«

TO JE MOJ STIL

Pa naj gre za pregovorno izbirčne Metke ali ne, mnoge so raje samske kot (samo)trpinčene zaradi napačne izbire življenjskega sopotnika. »Za nekatere ženske pri tridesetih je samsko življenje izbran in želen življenjski slog. Spet druge mogoče želijo v partnersko zvezo in nekatere od teh lahko imajo težave. Ena izmed možnih razlag je, da ženska pri tridesetih vstopa v nov partnerski odnos drugače kot pri dvajsetih; takrat se razvijamo, nekako še odraščamo skupaj s partnerjem. Pri tridesetih je naš pogled na življenje že bolj izoblikovan, življenjski stil je najbrž drugačen – vodijo nas druge vrednote, pričakovanja – tudi ko izbiramo partnerja in se odločamo za skupno življenje z nekom,« poudarja asistentka na fakulteti za socialno delo, dr. Nina Mešl.

SAMSKE ZA VEČJO ODGOVORNOST?

Težnja po utrjevanju tradicionalnih spolnih vlog je kljub vsemu še vedno opazna. Številni moški se pritožujejo zaradi večje finančne in siceršnje neodvisnosti žensk, ker naj bi ta spodkopavala staro dobro moškost. Takšnega prepričanja ne najdemo le v zasebni sferi. »Zelo škodljivi so politikantski izlivi sočutja, ki se pojavljajo po medijih, da se moški ne čutijo več potrebni ženskam, odkar so eksistenčno neodvisne. Moški, ki temelj partnerskega odnosa dojemajo na tako primitivni ravni, so ženskam in sebi res nepotrebni. Ženske ostajajo samske tudi zato, ker emancipiranje prinaša večji občutek odgovornosti za lastno nesrečo in za onesrečevanje drugih,« meni Simona Rebolj. S tem, da naj bi bil največji plus samskosti v tem, da si tako odgovornejši, se dr. Legan Cvikl ne strinja: »Ne glede na to, ali smo vezani ali samski, naj bi vsak sam nosil odgovornost tako za srečo kot za nesrečo. Predvsem lastno. Koliko dejansko s tem vplivamo na življenje drugih, pa je tudi njihova osebna odgovornost. Moja svoboda je omejena s tvojo in narobe. Zakaj bi bili samski odgovornejši od vezanih? Kvečjemu nasprotno, saj so prav vezani, ko se odločijo, da bodo z nekom sobivali, odgovorni za svoj izbor in kasneje za delovanje njune skupnosti. Medtem samski ne potrebujejo refleksije odgovornosti, saj ni nikogar, ki bi kazal na njihovo pravilno ali napačno ravnanje.«

Po prepričanju Simone Rebolj so številne tridesetletnice vendarle srečnejše in bolj izpopolnjene brez stalnega partnerja: »Samske ženske se želijo razvijati v princese in si ob boku predstavljajo predvsem princa po svoji meri, sicer svojemu svetu raje vladajo same.«

MOŠKI, (SO)ČUSTVUJTE DRUGAČE!

Dr. Maca Jogan vidi rešilno bilko za zmanjševanje samskosti med mladimi najprej v spremembi razmišljanja in čustvovanja pri moških, ne nazadnje v povezavi z odgovornostjo do obstoja družbe in naravnega okolja nasploh: »Kolikor manj bodo moške strašile različne predstave o skrajno hudih posledicah, kar za usodo sveta, 'poženščenja', če sprejmejo del odgovornosti in neposrednega delovanja v družini, in kolikor bolj bodo praktično preizkušali nehierarhično razporejene 'lepote življenja v dvoje', toliko manj lahko pričakujemo povečevanje samskosti pri mladih. To pričakovanje se povezuje z zahtevo po prilagajanju na čedalje bolj surovo naravno okolje in po povečani skrbi za soobstoj vseh živih bitij.«

Kdaj lahko torej pričakujemo upadanje samskosti med tridesetletnicami? Takrat, ko se bodo moški brezkompromisno in levjesrčno podali na pot sočutja, razumevanja in predanosti izbrani partnerici, ki jo bodo obravnavali enakopravno sebi. In ko bo ta sodobna, vsestransko napredna ženska posledično znala toliko odkleniti svoje srce, da bodo njeni poljubi ljubezni, nežnosti in tolažbe zares iskreni.

Vsekakor pa bi morala tako on kot ona stopiti v resno zvezo dozorela in seveda brez pritiska kogar koli. Misija nemogoče? Ni, če smo pri sebi dobro predelali svoja čustva v odnosu mama-sin oziroma oče-hči. A to je že druga zgodba.

Chop Wood, Carry Water

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"Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success."
Swami Sivananda

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Work. What does the word mean to you? Is it something to be avoided? Is it a means to an end? Is it the only appropriate focus of your attention and energy? Is it a way to avoid the rest of your life? Is it a joy? Is it a part of your spiritual practice?

There is a Zen saying, "Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water." What’s the difference? The tasks are the same. The need is the same. What about the frame of mind? Who is chopping? Who is carrying water?

When you labor, stay awake. Notice the frame of mind you bring to your work. Do you approach your work as if it were a nuisance? Do you remove your consciousness from work so that you are filled with resentment or worry? What would you need to do to be more fully present in your work?

Practice mindfulness in work. It does little good to attain clarity of mind on your meditation cushion if you lose it as soon as you become active. Start with simple activities like brushing your teeth, ironing clothes, or washing dishes. Be fully alert as you move. Notice the position of your body in space. Notice the feelings in your body as you move. Pay attention to the thoughts that enter your mind when you do the task. See if you can let them go and just focus on the work itself.

If you are cleaning a countertop, feel the sponge in your hand. Feel the wetness. Feel the texture. Observe how the sponge moves in your hand from the sink to the counter. Sense your movements as you scrub. What do your eyes see? What do you hear as you work? Clean that countertop as if it were the most important thing you could do. Move with fluid motions. Waste no energy. Allow yourself the grace of economy of motion. Be grateful for the countertop, the sponge, the water, the soap. Be grateful for the hand, the arm, the whole body that can move a sponge. Be thankful for the floor you stand on and the roof that protects you. Without letting your mind wander too far, be grateful for all the circumstances that put you where you are at that moment with that sponge and that water and that countertop.

We travel to the ocean or to mountains, rivers and canyons, in part to escape the mundane world of work, but also to experience the awe that arises more spontaneously in nature’s magnificence. We give ourselves an incredible gift when we can experience some of the same awe in the mundane world of our daily lives. The weed that grows in the crack of a sidewalk is a phenomenon as miraculous as the redwood tree that towers into the sky. The raindrops that streak the window are no less an occasion for awe than the spray that dampens our face at the waterfall. The fingers that tap a keyboard are as worthy of praise as the feet of a ballet dancer.

When we open awareness to the tasks in our lives they become lighter. When we are able to be in the moment, we no longer feel compelled to watch the clock. Whatever your work might be, bring all of yourself to it. When you are fully present, you may find that your labor is no longer a burden. Wood is chopped. Water is carried. Life happens.

http://www.interluderetreat.com/meditate/chop.htm

ljubav?

Ti ljubi druge, jaz bom tebe ljubil,
saj nate stavil sem, kar sem imel,
saj mnogokrat se mnog je že pogubil,
ker ljubil tisto je, kar ne bi smel.


Ti ljubi druge, jaz bom tebe ljubil
in ti želél nezvestega moža,
da ti bi njega, on spet drugo ljubil,
in bi še ti v ljubezni mlin zašla.


Ti ljubi njega, jaz bom tebe ljubil,
in tvoj preljubi drugo, ti pa glej,
da tudi on bo tisto drugo izgubil –
in svet se bo vrtel lepo naprej.

Stara pesem - Menart

Jessica Folker - To Be Able To Love (club/dance mix)

www.youtube.com

dance classics

Slovenska, Balaševič

Slovenska

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"003" Đorđe Balašević

The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.

The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment. On the emotional level, it is some form of negativity. The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment, and this in turn depends on how strongly you are identified with your mind.

To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation.

Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.

To be free of time is to be free of the psychological need of past for your identity and future for your fulfillment.

Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.

Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.

It seems that most people need to experience a great deal of suffering before they will relinquish resistance and accept — before they will forgive.

http://www.inner-growth.info/power_of_now_tolle/eckhart_tolle_pon_quotes.htm

What at this moment is lacking????

Career match

Greens: Empathetic, humanistic, and creative, Greens need an environment that is supportive and egalitarian and that provides the chance to impact the lives of others. Gifted in their understanding of people's motivation, they have an unusual ability to influence and draw the best out of others. They also excel in verbal and written communications and in the ability to position ideas. Greens are enthusiastic spokespersons for the organizations or causes of their choice, creating a unique, charismatic quality that sweeps others into their causes.

Reds (backup style): Action oriented, spontaneous, and focused on ''now'', reds need freedom to follow their impulses, which they trust over the judgement of others. Cool-headed and ever courageous, they get things done and handle a crisis better than most. found in careers that provide freedom, action, variety, and the unexpected, they bring excitement and a sense of expediency. Work must be fun and the environment collegiate. Reds resist schedules and hierarchies. Long-term planning is a low priority as each day brings it's own agenda.

The IDEAL working environment:

Is democratic and informal. My title it less important then my ideas and contribution.

Encourages creativity and idea generation. Rewards me for my core talents rather than labeling me as ''free spirit'' or ''too far out''.

Provides freedom to work at my own pace and explore new ideas. The more I'm controlled, the less productive I become.

Is lively, energetic, and fast-moving. I'm energized by the new.

Rewards humor and fun. A good laugh relaxes me and makes me want to contribute more. Places high value on the well-being of staff and clients. Companies that disrespect the human side make me fight rather than contribute productively.

Offers variety and change. I don't handle routine well because it's not in my nature to do so.

Focuses on the startup stage rather than maintenance. I find ingenious ways to divest myself of administrative details.

Fosters cooperation and trust. Backatabbing and politics drain so much energy from the task at hand. I have no patience for these.

Provides good training and development opportunities. Self improvement is both my hobby and a lifelong pursuit.

The IDEAL green/red extrovert boss:

Is flexible.

Appreciates my authenticity and energy.

Has a sense of humour.

Personalizes the relationship.

Likes brainstorming and new ideas.

Provides frequent feedback.

Does not micromanage me.

How to reconize a Green:

Big picture thinker.

Informal and warm.

Diplomatic.

An unusual ability to influence by persuasion.

Bridge-builder; resolves conflict views.

Draws the best out of people.

Idealistic.

Verbally fluent and metaphoric.

Intent listener.

Sensitive to criticism.

Avoids confrontation!!!!!

Chic, flamboyant, or careless dress.

Green/Gold extroverts:

Compassionate, persuasive, loyal, and have a talent for predicting future trends.

Overall:

Outgoing, sociable, warm, and articulate. Gifted communicator with an unusual ability to influence. Those you admire receive your deep loyalty. In return, you expect equal appreciation. This can lead to frustration and disapppointment.

You have an abundance of innate emotional intelligence and interact well with most color types. You operate best in harmonious groups. Driven by intuition, foresight and compassion, you excell at leading othersto achieve their potential.m You are exceptionally skilled at projecting the trends and pitfalls of the future.

People who are rude or bully others are a major irritant. You respond well to praise, but you are easilly hurt by criticism. This makes you appear touchy , as even the most well-intentioned criticism may fluster you. Actual conflict disturbes you(exept when standing up to rude bullies, which you do with steely strength).

Enthusiastic, with the energy to work on several projects at once. Decisive and often in a hurry, you can be more than a little impatient with anyone who slows you down. While it is your nature to be supportive, you can be both critical and confrontational when your standards are not being met.

Your interest in others is so strong that you run the risk of not giving enough time to yourself. In both personal and professional relationships, you make others feel valued and liked.

You on the job

As a leader

A people centered, idealistic vision drives your enthusiastic style. You respect the needs and options of staff at all levels, influencing with persuasion rather than control. Consensus and cooperation are your goals. You provide your people sensitive and appropriate support through personal difficulties.

Your gold side introduces structure and organization and initiates action. You are usually upbeat, accepting setbacks as new challenges rather than defeats.

As a team player

If a team is stalled by interpersonal conflict, you are the bridge builder. rather then being dictatorial, you energize the team with enthusiasm and a warm sense of humour. You inspire former combatants to their best combined efforts.

Work environment

Worst type is tense, overly competitive, highly political, with impersonal atmosphere among managment, staff, and co-workers. The company compromises your core values; it exploits both it's workers and it's customers.

Natural work related strengths:

Excite others with high quality ideas and enthusiasm.

Organize people and resources.

Build morale, loyalty, and productivity.

Mentor others well, exponentially increasing your value to the firm.

Create harmonious teams; turn around troubled departments.

Think creatively; see future trends.

Communicate in memorable ways using colorful words and graphics.

The IDEAL Green/Gold working environment:

Is harmonious, with people who can be trusted. Backbiting and internal competition are discouraged.

Has strong values that align with your own. It's mission is to produce products and services that contribute to the wellbeing of society.

Makes good use of your well-developed organizational skills. Your projects draw on your people, communications, and organizational skills simultaneously.

Allows responsibility for one's own projects. You see a big picture and possess the ability to excite others about it.

Provides ongoing new learning experiences. You are energized by company training or outside schooling. On the job you're enthused by assignments that publicize new product or services, learn or teach new technologies, create promotional strategies, discover new markets, or require continuing education.

The ideal boss:

Is insightful.

Asks about your vision for the project, the company, or your career.

Gives positive feedback and stressessreas where he or she agrees with you.

Is organized and delivers on commitments - a good role model.

Shares the same values of improving the world.

Personality chalenges. You:

Avouid conflicts and confrontations. ( You take conflict ant criticism very personally and protect yourself by avoidance. Instead, face it. Build a thicker skin by repeated exposure, on your terms.)

Tend not to recognize underperforming workers or manipulative friends/relatives. (Don't shove aside that little alarm bell inside.)